Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize