I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
