There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize