Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just found puke in my bra..
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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