there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
