God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
