i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
