nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
