He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
