A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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