he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
