did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
