is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I wear drunk well.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
