Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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