Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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