We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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