I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
