I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
