those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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