Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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