Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
