She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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