Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
