you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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