Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
