Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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