Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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