it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
