Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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