I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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