just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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