Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
