Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
