Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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