So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
