All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
