I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
