So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
