i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
