Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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