He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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