Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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