I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
