he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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