Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I will be naked everywhere
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
