Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
