I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
