So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
