and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
