I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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