Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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