Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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