I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
