he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
