that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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