You're a womanizer and a bitch.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
