your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
where are my eyebrows?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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