the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
