I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize