Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
