i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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