True but thats because hes a fetus.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
