Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
