a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
