My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Two words: blizzard sex
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
