i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize