i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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