Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
