This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I love having hate sex.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize