Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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