I am puke
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
