i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
