She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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