my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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