you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
