you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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