I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
