just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
