there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
