I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
