apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
