When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
