i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
