'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
