Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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