How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Randomize
