Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
