Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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