Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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