I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
