I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
