so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
