Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
