you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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