My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize