I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
