no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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