remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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