What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
