very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
