I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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