I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
