Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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