she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
