They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
