Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
