Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
