The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
