my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
