If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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