my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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