I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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